Explaining the Commandments of “New American Theology”

Here’s a good example of where we are these days:

https://twitter.com/jules_su/status/930505440559058945

Moore is lying; he is “bearing false witness”. For a guy who claims to be pretty much the second coming, you’d think he’d maybe know that lying is bad?

Except, it’s not. I think modern American Christians have rewritten the 10 Commandments into something like this:

  1. Thou shalt have no other gods before me, excepting money and power
  2. Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, unless granted to you by money or power
  3. Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain, or at least try most of the time
  4. Remember to keep the Sabbath Day, to keep it holy, except for pro football and other leisure activities
  5. Honor thy father and thy mother
  6. Thou shalt not kill unless it’s a black kid, or maybe someone who angered you, and also it’s totally OK to have vivid murder fantasies about your neighbors
  7. Thou shalt not steal except through legislative or legal loopholes
  8. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor unless it impairs your pursuit of money, power, or leisure, or something you want; and if you convince yourself it’s true then it’s not false witness
  9. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbors wife, unless thou dost have the scratch for a settlement
  10. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbors servants/animals/anything else, because wow go get your own, jeeze

About the only one not broadly re-interpreted in the fun world of late-stage capitalism and the era of Donald Trump is #5. Good job, team!

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